Things Pro-LGBT Folk Need To Stop Saying

Obviously as stated multiple times in this blog I am very pro-GSM (Gender and Sexual Minorities) or as most people know it, LGBT. So this obviously is not meant to be anti-LGBT in any way. However, having grown up going to Christian schools and learning Christian doctrine heavily and having had very conservative views most of my life, there are a lot of things I hear as arguments from the LGBT community that well... need to stop, for a lot of reasons. Especially since many times when something is said that is wrong, it makes us look bad and like we don’t know what we’re talking about. For instance.

Stop saying “Well, do you eat shellfish or wear clothing of two fabrics?”

Now don’t get me wrong. Christians reallllly need to stop using Leviticus to defend their position. Unless you plan on killing gay people, shut the hell up and stop using Leviticus. But that also isn’t the only thing used to defend the position. See, when someone says they believe homosexuality is a sin because of the Bible, if they know what they’re talking about they don’t mean Leviticus.

Leviticus was a set of codes that were given specifically to the Israelites. And don’t pull the whole “If Christians don’t like something they use the ‘context’ argument!” Cause guess what? Context is, in fact, important. And the context is that is literally says it is being given to the Israelites. There are, in fact, New Testament passages that are purported to address homosexuality. I won’t get into all the arguments about it, but the point is there is more than Leviticus, which was for the Israelites, and Jesus is said to have fulfilled the law, so everyone stop using it.

Stop saying that Christians condemn you for who you are (But that doesn’t mean they don’t condemn you)

This one is another one that comes up a lot. Christians condemning gay people for who they are. And in some cases that is in fact true. However, the views on it are much more different than most people think. Many Christians do not view being homosexual itself as a sin or something that will send you to hell. Instead they view that doing sexual acts with the same sex is the sin.

Now don’t misunderstand me. That view is still wrong and harmful. However, it’s an important nuance when we try to open people’s minds. Because if we are saying one thing and they are thinking another, we reach an impasse. We may be condemned for loving, but it is not the same sex attraction itself that is believed to be sinful. Instead, I would say we are being condemned for living out who we are.

Please stop using the “born this way” argument

Now, I’m obviously not questioning whether or not we can help the feelings. We obviously can’t help it, it’s just a part of who we are. However, for one, the science isn’t totally well understood on this subject. But also… who cares? Why does it matter whether or not we’re born this way? If it turns out that it wasn’t a part of how we’re born… would you suddenly declare that we were wrong? Hell, even if we could choose it, that wouldn’t make it wrong! When we use this argument, we give the leverage that if the root of it is something else, it could be wrong. Whether or not we were born this way is irrelevant, cause it’s us regardless.

Also please stop using the “animals do it too” argument

This really is the same thing. Animals do a lot of things. Some animals eat their own poop. Animals also don’t drive cars or develop video games. What animals do has nothing to do with what we do. And whether or not animals do it is irrelevant. And I get it, it’s the whole “natural” argument. Driving a car is not natural. That doesn’t make it wrong. Whether or not something is natural is irrelevant.

Basically what I’m getting at with this quick post is… don’t give into their views. They’re the ones saying it’s “unnatural” or a “choice” and so many things like that. And when we say “Well it’s totally natural and not a choice!” we’re giving in to their premise. We’re saying if it is, then it would be wrong. No, instead, say “Even if it is a choice, it’s my choice to make, not yours.” Don’t accept their premise, and don’t talk where you don’t have enough knowledge. Then maybe we can reach out to them.

The Problem With WELS Churches

This post is going to be different than it sounds from the title. We’ve already established I disagree with a lot of WELS (Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod) teachings and doctrine. That much is obvious, and I don’t want to address that, cause WELS doctrine ain’t gonna change I’m sure. However, there are non-doctrine related things that I saw happen in WELS throughout my life that I want to address. These are those things that I think WELS severely needs to change.

Stop treating women like they don’t think for themselves

Look, I get it. Doctrine states that women are suppose to serve under the husband and they stay silent in the church and all that, that’s doctrine. That’s why women in the church aren’t allowed to vote. But seriously, women do have opinions you know. They can state them. In a lot of WELS churches, women aren’t allowed to even show up to a voting meeting to voice their opinions.

There was one church where women were allowed to show up, but if they wanted to say something they had to write it on a piece of paper and give it to a man to read. Why? Because they need to interpret it? Does it only have weight if a man says it? “Well sure that’s a good point but I mean… you have a vagina.” (And I say this because WELS doesn’t believe trans women are women, so you need a vagina to be a woman.) Women have opinions and thoughts and can contribute to conversation.

Stop treating the church like a business

When I was in WELS, offerings were very seldomly made out to be a part of living out our faith (As the doctrine stated.) Instead, offerings were a chore, or even worse, a command. “We need money for this so… give it to us.” Some churches saw people as a source of profit. Hell, some churches used to (And some still might) publish each week in the bulletins how much each person gave in offerings… why would that be ok? It’s like keeping track of profit margins! And then we get Northwestern Publishing House which basically bankrupts WELS’s own churches and schools to give them materials. The whole climate often screams of a business rather than a church. It’s so much about money and numbers than it is people.

For the love of everything, talk about suicide

In my experiences and in all of my friends’ experiences, we never had any of our schools talk about suicide. We couldn’t even be sure the teachers knew the signs of planning suicide. And there was no comfort for it. Sure there was a generic “Come talk to us if there’s something on your mind.” But there was nothing that specifically talked about it. There was no support made (Seriously, support group would be a hugely good idea.) There was no awareness, there was nothing. People that are suicidal are scared. And simply saying “Come talk if there’s something on your mind” often isn’t good enough. And also, look at the roots of suicide.

WHY ARE YOU NOT TALKING ABOUT BULLYING MORE???

I’m going to tell the WELS people reading this something very shocking… WELS schools aren’t full of good little Christian angels. They’re full of kids and teenagers. Kids and teenagers can be nasty to each other. Bullying isn’t just some passing things in WELS schools. It is everywhere. A strong majority of my friends that went to a WELS high school were bullied in that high school. I was bullied immensely. There were students cutting and contemplating suicide because of bullying. And there was never anything about it, ever. No one ever talked about bullying. No one ever encouraged addressing bullying. No one made any awareness whatsoever. It was like the staff just pretended that bullying didn’t happen in WELS schools. “Bullying doesn’t happen in Christ-centered schools.” Oh BS, it is everywhere. And the less you talk about it, the worse it is.

When you teach what evolution and the big bang are… actually teach what they are

Why are WELS schools so afraid of telling the truth? If they’re so confident that evolution and the big bang are wrong… why can’t they actually teach what they are? All of the things I learned about evolution and the big bang in WELS schools was laughably incorrect. I literally got laughed at trying to talk about it. And no, it wasn’t because of “persecution” for me not believing in it. It was cause it was extremely clear that I had absolutely no clue what I was talking about. Evolution isn’t “monkey giving birth to man.” It cannot be disproved by the second law of thermodynamics. The big bang is not a “chaotic explosion that magically rearranged itself.” If you are so confident it’s wrong, then actually know what you’re talking about!

Finally, make sure you know what other churches and even other religions say

Again, 90% of what I was taught about other churches and other religions was flat out wrong. Man, when I became friends with Catholics, I learned so much of what I was taught wasn’t just misleading, it was flat out wrong. Again, it is the same principle, if you are so confident it’s wrong… why are you afraid of saying what it actually is? WELS, know what the hell you’re talking about. Otherwise you’re just breeding a bunch of ignorant people that can’t hold a conversation with anyone outside of WELS because of how horrifically wrong they are.

Stop Thinking Of Rape As A Stranger With A Knife

            Rape is a horrible thing. Almost no one disagrees with this statement, and if you do, go get some help immediately. Rape is not “unconsensual sex.” Sex is consensual. Rape is rape, and it is not ok. But there is something a lot of people don’t think about that is what rape exactly is. Now I know, you’re thinking “Well it’s forcing sex upon someone that is unwilling.” And you’re not wrong per se, but I think the way we word it gives us a wrong impression of how rape works.

            When most people picture rape, they picture a seen in which a guy sneaks into a house or jumps out of the bushes and holding a knife or a gun to the girl while sexually assaulting her. And this is obviously rape and horrible! But the reality is that most commonly, that’s not how rape happens. And to discuss why, I would like to set forth a different definition of what rape even is. So for the duration of this post, consider this definition of rape. Rape is committing any sexual action without the consent of all parties involved.

            Now there is something key about consent that most people don’t think of. Consent is not just something that can be given, consent is something that can be revoked. When you consent to something, you have the absolute right to withdraw that consent at any time. And I would like to illustrate this with a personal and very emotional story.

TRIGGER WARNING: Rape, Rape Apologia, Sexually explicit content

            My story does not involve a person jumping out of the bushes or sneaking into my house. In fact, I had known the guy for several months already. We had talked online extensively and even met in person to hang out. And as one night got particularly heated when we were together, we had ended up in the bedroom. He wanted to do anal, which I had never done before (I was still entirely a virgin at this point at my freshman year of college.) And so I agreed, and I “topped” him first, and then we switched and it was my turn to be the “bottom.”

I was very hesitant at first. Verrrrry verrrrrrrrry hesitant. But I had thought in my head that I came, so therefor I essentially owed it to him to have him cum. And I had, afterall, consented to the activity so far. As soon as he began I immediately felt uncomfortable and stated so. He said simply to relax and so I did. As he continued, it only got more uncomfortable and eventually painful. I stated this and that I wanted to stop. I had revoked my consent, I no longer consented to what was happening. However, he continued to insist that I just need to relax and let it happen. In addition to him being taller and stronger than me, I still felt that sexual “debt.” And so he continued despite my pain and discomfort. I continued to be in pain well into the next day.

“Well it’s your fault for consenting in the first place.” “Why didn’t you try harder to fight back?” “Maybe you should’ve been more insistent.” These weren’t things that people told me afterwards. These were things I told myself afterwards. And because of my very religious upbringing, admitting to having sex with a man was a social death sentence. I couldn’t tell anyone. And so I hid and hid in my shame, continuing to blame myself.

And my story is obviously not the only such story. Consent can be revoked at any time. And not obeying this concept can be very damaging to people as it was to me. But consent still has more factors. Consent should also be enthusiastic. And what do I mean by this?

I once read a story of a guy that brought a girl home and pressured her to have sex. She would often pretend to look at her phone and be distracted but he continued to push her despite her seeming uncomfortable. He even joked about taking her phone away. Eventually, he pressured her enough for her to have sex with him. But was it consensual? At first it seems like yes to some people. From the guys perspective, at some point she agreed, and so it wasn’t rape… but what about her perspective?

She was obviously uncomfortable and trying to look for a way out. When he joked about taking away her phone, could she be sure he was entirely joking? If she was uncomfortable, this obviously pushed her over the edge into being scared. So while she may have said some sort of words that gave the appearance of consent, it is obvious she was coerced into the actions, which is not consent.

Another condition of consent is being of sound mind. Someone who is not in their right mind cannot reasonably consent, as their inhibitions are gone. This is why roofies are rape, because the inhibitions are gone and they remember nothing. Being drunk is a similar situation. A person that is drunk is not of sound mind and has left behind their inhibitions. And so some men may try to take advantage of a woman being drunk. So let me be clear here. If a woman would not consent to having sex with you while sober, being drunk and doing it does not count as consent. It’s really that simple. If she wouldn’t have sex with you before, why would her being drunk and out of her mind make it ok?

I can’t believe I need to say this one, but sadly it needs to be said. In caps of course. HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE THAT IS UNCONSCIOUS IN ANY WAY IS NOT OK, YOU DO NOT HAVE CONSENT, THAT IS RAPE, DON’T DO THAT. Also, as a side note, I know I say “she” a lot in this post, but remember that men CAN be raped as well. Sexual stimulation can cause sexual response without the persons consent or interest. Women can rape men. Stop shaming them. They need help too.

And finally, as my final point, children and animals cannot consent to sex. They can’t really consent to much of anything. They do not have the capacities to consent. There is a reason you must be human or a certain age to sign documents, you need to be able to think through and process what you are doing in order to consent to it. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SEX WITH CHILDREN, ONLY RAPING CHILDREN.

So stop thinking of rape as this thing that happens between strangers with a knife. People are often raped by people they know and trust. Rape is complicated, and if someone comes to you saying that they’ve been raped or thinking they’ve been raped, remember that consent can be a complicated thing. Do not blame them, do not say what they should have done differently. It is not their fault. It is always always ALWAYS the fault of the person who performed the actions without their enthusiastic consent. If you do not have that, don’t do the action. Simple as that.

Misogyny Harms Men Too

            Misogyny is a word that at its root simply means prejudice or discrimination against women. So, the idea that it would affect men in any capacity seems strange at first, and understandably so! The root of the word literally excludes men (Except from being the oppressors.) But my goal in this post is to explain just how, in many capacities, misogyny is not only silly in the first place, but is actually counterproductive for men.

            First of all, it might be good to explain exactly what some examples of misogyny are. Not all misogyny is so blatant and obvious. Often when people think misogyny they think of not hiring women or not allowing women to vote, but it can be much more simple and small than that. Some other common forms of misogyny include viewing women as weak, homemakers, thinking women are overly emotional, or shaming women for how sexually active they are. So how does this effect men negatively? Welllll

Misogyny influences the draft

            Now, I’ve seen some people (Especially Men’s Rights Activists) claim that this is something against men, because men are the only ones that have to register for the draft. And I agree, it’s wrong! (Though, I don’t think equality would be having women register, it would be having no one register.) But it is rooted in misogyny.

            Think of how women were seen at the time of the draft. Women were the homemakers. They were seen as the caretakers, the gentle, nurturing ones that are supposed to be at home. And at first it seems benevolent, but that’s not all. It also paints women as weak and unfit for fighting. It is saying that not only shouldn’t women do this but women can’t do this. And so men are painted as the ones that need to be the protectors, that need to risk their lives. And so our view of women being weak makes it so that only men are affected by the draft and forced into military service.

Misogyny dictates what you can wear

            A woman wears dude clothes and how is she seen? Well, generally either as “like one of the dudes” which is seen as positive among guys, or maybe a lesbian sometimes? Or maybe people think well she’s wearing her boyfriend’s clothes, which means they must be close and have sex! (Because apparently women are some trophy?) But the point is, generally is seen as favorable. And in fact, most “guy” clothes are seen more as, well, androgynous.

            But look at the opposite situation. What is it like when a guy wears a skirt or a dress? He’s a joke, he’s laughed at, he’s shamed. Guys aren’t supposed to do that, that’s shameful. But why? What about wearing women’s clothes could possibly be shameful? The only way we can say that dressing “like a woman” is shameful for a man is because you are saying it is shameful to be a woman. Whereas a woman dressing like a man is good! Because… reasons? It doesn’t actually make sense. And so we end up laughing at and shaming men simply for wearing different clothes. And while it negatively effects man, it is rooted in a view of women as weak and men aren’t supposed to look weak!

Misogyny effects your job options

            Most often we think of this affecting women. We don’t exactly see many women in high positions and offices. Now this is obviously a sign of a misogynist society, but how can it negatively affect men? Well first, let’s look at what a lot of stereotypical jobs women have: Teaching young children, nurse, or secretary. But now men doing those jobs are not viewed the same way.

            In surveys done about teaching, most people said that they would not be comfortable having a man teach younger children, but are more ok with men teaching towards high school and college level than they are women. But why? Men are supposed to be tough and show little emotion, something that obviously doesn’t jive well with young children. And so we have this tendency to think that the weaker more gentle women should take care of teaching the young children! Many people view the idea of men teaching young children as negative because it’s the “women’s job.” And as we get to the older grades, it is seen as the men’s job because, well, women don’t do as much learning and smart stuff as men? I dunno.

            But it’s a similar idea for nurses. Male nurses are made into a joke, literally. There are literally people that use male nurses as a joke. But how does that make sense? Well, women are seen as the gentle caretakers, taking care of the wounded, that is their place. So men being in that capacity is showing them as being gentle caretakers, being like a woman, and that’s bad in society. To be like a woman is to be weak and shameful.

            And secretaries don’t fare much better. Secretaries are the helpers, they are set under the higher more powerful men. So men being secretaries means they’re not good enough to have the helpers, they’re helping men like women do, which is bad! And if you’re a man under a woman, well that’s the worst that could happen because now you are under the weaker sex!

Misogyny harms men of all sexualities

            Quick, how do a lot of straight dudes see gay dudes? As a joke of course. “Ha, gayyyy!” Calling each other gay, acting gay as a joke, our culture has made being gay a joke. But how are lesbians viewed by straight guys? “Hell yeah, make out in front of me!” So why is it like this? Well, the answer lies in our heteronormative views.

            We see heterosexuality as the normal for men and women. So therefor, doing things to women is seen as the “man” thing to do, whereas doing things for men (And I say for cause it is often seen that men do something to women whereas women simply do something for men, which is BS) is seen as the “woman” thing to do. So two women making out? Well they’re being like the men! They’re doing the “man” thing to do, which is good and praiseworthy! Whereas two guys making out? Well, ew, they’re doing the “woman” thing to do. That’s effeminate and shameful. Gay people are often called “Faeries.” They’re doing something weak and feminine, which is bad for men to do. We have set that double standard harming gay men. But it doesn’t stop there.

            This misogyny also harms bisexual men (And women!) Now, the same rules generally apply, but it is also seen as slightly different. If a man says he is bisexual the stereotype is that he’s actually just gay and won’t admit it. And if a woman says she is bisexual, the stereotype is she is just trying to seem interesting to men. Notice the problem here? It automatically defaults to “Well they actually like men.” It has standard that no one could truly love a woman. So if they’re going after anyone other than women, well, it must not be the women, because even the straight guys only go for them for pleasure. And so focusing on men here, it is stating that you cannot be attracted to both because men are just so much better you should never love a woman.

            So what about straight men? I did say all sexualities afterall. Well, it can affect heterosexual men as well! For one, we have the culture of women as being a trophy. What do we call women that have a lot of sex? A slut. And so if you have sex with a slut, it’s “less” of an “accomplishment” than if you have sex with a girl that doesn’t have as much sex. So we’ve gone to policing what kind of women are favorable to go towards, because the men are upholding women as some sort of trophy. That it is somehow better if you have sex with a girl that hasn’t had a lot of sex. It is good for a guy to do have a lot of sex, but not for a woman. Because the woman is seen as having been “used.” (Remember, women are for men’s pleasure!)

            But this also goes into experimentation. Men that experiment with other men are seen as shameful or gay because remember, can’t truly love women. If a woman experiments it’s seen as hot (Cause it’s what men do), but if a guy does it, he’s gay.  That’s going into the territory of something that women are supposed to do! So now we are shaming guys for exploring their sexuality and seeing what they like simply because it’s the “woman” thing.

Misogyny dictates what you can be like

            The whole theme here is that being like women is shameful, because that’s seen as being weak. And for my final point, I want to show that it carries into many other facets. Men who talk in higher voices, have feminine mannerisms, take care of feminine chores, grow long hair, may use a “feminine” product like make up, liking a “feminine” game or show or movie, they’re all a joke or looked down upon and made fun of. You can’t even cry or show too much emotion without being too “feminine” and therefor made fun of. It is literally mentally and emotionally harmful to men. Our culture has created two pieces that have set these things to harm men. First, we have declared what is “for women.” They are the clothes, mannerisms, jobs, and everything else in life that are to be associated with women. And then we declare that to be like a woman is weak and therefor shameful. And so, men cannot be like women in any capacity, or they are weak and shameful. And so when I speak out against misogyny, I am not “ignoring” men or “hating” men. In fact, quite the opposite, when we empower and liberate women, we are inherently liberating men as well. Smash gender roles and be free! 

Name And Identity: Why I'm Going Back To Sammy

IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY, PLEASE READ MY INTRODUCTION TO NON-BINARY GENDERS FIRST

http://lovetearsskirtsandfears.blogspot.com/2015/05/non-binary-genders-101.html

            This is probably the most difficult thing to explain is what’s going on with my name. When I was first coming out to people, I kept “Sammy” cause it was nice and neutral. Then I went to Amber cause it was feminine. And now I’m talking about changing back to Sammy sort of but not quite fully or something like that. So, first of all, to help everyone out, I’m gonna just state a few things to know that will help you understand everything.

1.      I am going to continue using Amber as my “professional” name at work and in certain situations but in general I am going to be known as Samantha “Sammy” Lily Birner

2.      I am going to use both female and neutral pronouns. So, she/her/hers is fine and that’s how I hope to be read in public. However, it would be nice to have they/them/their used sometimes too J

3.      I AM STILL TRANS AND AM STILL NOT A BOY, K? K

Now first I wanna discuss exactly how “Amber” came about to be as an identifier for me. Now it came up from a discussion of potential names, but the main part I’m talking about is why I wanted to change from “Sammy” in the first place. When I was first reconciling being transgender, I wasn’t sure how family would take it. In fact, I was fully prepared for the possibility that I was going to lose family entirely. So “Sam” became associated with that anxiety and being seen as a guy. But now that so many people have been accepting and coming around, it no longer has that association. And Amber did help me stop seeing myself as a guy, but it may have run its course with me.

So why go back to Sammy/Samantha? Well for one, it means a lot to me. So many people have known me as “Sammy” throughout my life. I have a lot of memories with it, and that’s even who Kurt knew me as when we started dating. And now that I’m feeling connection with my family again, I want to have that connection still. And my mom chose that name. While it may have been the wrong gendered version, she still chose it and she’s still my mom. And I don’t want to seem like I’m ashamed of my mom or what she named me, and I don’t want to be ashamed of my past. 

As far as middle name, I chose Lily as it is very personal. It is the name of a very very close friend who has been there from when I came out as bisexual to when I first struggled with gender to now. And so, I chose the name in honor of her.

But there is another part of why I want to use Sammy. Look back up at the pronouns. Remember how I used neutral pronouns as well? Well, I don’t identify as a man but… I don’t fully identify as a woman either. I mean, I like skirts, and being called she by strangers, and looking feminine. But think of it this way. Remember the spectrums? Well, in terms of how I express myself I’m kind of like this

Neutral-----------x--Feminine

Neutral---x---------Masculine

      I mostly express myself in a largely female way, cause that’s what I enjoy. (And notice the lines are separate. People can express both masculine and feminine traits.) But in terms of my self-concept of my gender, it’s more like this

Neutral------x----Woman

Neutral---------------Man

      I don’t identify as male in anyway, but I have a self-concept of my identity that is between neutral and woman. “Demi-girl” or “trans-femme” are terms I’ve heard to describe it. But overall, I’d just say I’m me. And Sammy is a nice neutral name that I can still associate with being seen as largely female. I’m non-binary, I’m neither a man, nor a woman, nor neutral. I am myself, and that is wonderful :)

Non-Binary Genders 101

            In general in America we’re all taught generally the same thing about gender. There’s boys and there’s girls. They are different. Boys have XY and penises and Girls have XX and vaginas. You might have been taught about the existence of transgender people but I doubt it. Now the major problem is… well, everything. It’s so oversimplified and wrong, I can’t even point to one issue with it. The gender binary is a hilarious oversimplified model of how humans actually work.

            Now to help you understand exactly why this is, I’m going to have to talk about all of the aspects of gender as we’re taught it in America. First there’s biological sex, then gender roles, gender expression, and finally gender identity (Or really what I’m getting at when I say “Gender.”)

Biological Sex

            Experts have understood for… well, quite a while now that sex and gender are two different things. The fact that it’s even on this list is practically a fluke. Now, the main reason people don’t know the difference is because they have no need to. A majority of people fit the binary male/female and have their biological sex and their gender match up. So for their purposes gender and sex are the same. The thing is, to talk about the problem with this and the problem with the binary is… we need to split this up into some more subpoints. So for our subpoints we need to talk about genitals, chromosomes, and sexual dimorphism.

Genitals

            “Well that’s easy, men have penises, women have vaginas.” Hahaha WRONG! And I don’t just mean cause trans women are women with penises and trans men are men with vaginas. See, the thing is uhhh… intersex people exist. They’re kind of people too. Intersex peoples’ genitals are far from that simple. Sometimes they have both in varying degrees, sometimes they have something that can’t be objectively stated to be either a penis or a vagina. Sometimes they have “ovatestes,” gonads that aren’t ovaries or testicles. Sometimes they have a mix of gonads. In case you couldn’t tell, it’s kind of complicated. But we’re so ingrained that people need to be male or female that often doctors perform surgery and…. Well, guess. And surprise, sometimes they’re wrong!

Chromosomes

            You should hazard a guess now that XX and XY doesn’t work. Here are just a few examples why: XXX, XXY, XYY, Swyer Syndrome (XY but have a vagina), and De La Chapelle Syndrome (XX but have a penis.) And that’s just a few of many things that can happen. In fact, there’s some question as to if having a Y actually has that much to do with it. We’ve seen some people that have XX in some parts of their body and XY in others, and they’re not even chimeras! So again, intersex people, they exist.

Sexual Dimorphism

            Now, I don’t know if these even actually go together, but I’m gonna put secondary sex characteristics in with these. For those that don’t know, sexual dimorphism is certain parts of the body that are similar but markedly different between male and female, and this I believe includes secondary sex characteristics like dropping voice in guys, wider hips in girls, boobs, etc. The thing is again… not always that simple. Guys can have high estrogen or low testosterone or girls vice versa. Some guys find themselves developing typically female secondary sex characteristics. These things are extremely complicated.

            In other words what I’m getting at is… even viewing biological sex as male and female is troublesome because it just doesn’t work that way! So many things go into it and influence it, it’s like a complicated spectrum we’re only beginning to grasp.

Gender Roles

            Ok, this one is going to be short cause most people understand them. Gender roles are things like the idea that women should be the ones to stay at home and take care of the house and kids. And men are supposed to be tough and manly and never show too much emotion. Yeah, just face it, it’s all bullshit and men and women should be allowed to socially do whatever they want. K? Good, glad we got that one out of the way.

Gender Expression

            This one is highly related to the last one but is still distinct. Gender expression is the things we do to express ourselves that are associated with a certain gender. This is things like mannerisms, clothes, or interests. And everyone has a mix of stuff like this. I wear make-up, so there’s a point for feminine. I like cargo pants, there’s a point for masculine. I screech and go “Awwww” when I see kittens. That’s neutral, cause seriously, if you don’t do that you’re a monster. So what I’m getting at here is… it’s another spectrum type thing. People express themselves in multiple ways with varying degrees. There are feminine men and masculine women. What we even see as “masculine” and “feminine” is almost entirely a social construct developed by our culture, and cultures don’t all share what things are seen as what.

Gender Identity

            Now this is the big one. This is the very sense of self. This is your self-concept of being a man or a woman. The thing is, notice how everything was on a spectrum? Yeah, so is this. See, gender identity is also a cultural thing! Because it’s heavily related to the other concepts. Even though men can be feminine, we still have associations of certain things with female. But not all cultures have simply “Man” and “Woman.” There are cultures that have 3 genders, or even some that have 5! There is one culture that has Man, Woman, A woman that takes on male roles, a man that takes on female roles, and neutral. (This of course is very oversimplified from their language.)
            But the point being it isn’t a super neat male/female box. It is, in fact, totally possible to identify differently! Some people have a self-concept that is neither male nor female. Some people have a self-concept that is both male and female. And there’s tons of others inbetween. Genderfluid, where people’s self-concept changes throughout the day/week/month/year. Agender, feeling neither gender. Bi-gender, two spirit, neutrois, demi-girl, demi-boy, there’s so much! Because it’s not a neat little box, and that’s so awesome, cause we’re all different! We all associate on different parts of each scale. You can have a penis, be super feminine, but identify with no gender. You can have ambiguous genitals, be very masculine, but identify as female. We’re all so unique and wonderful, and we need to realize that! We don’t need to be put in these silly “male” and “female” boxes that don’t truly describe anything anyway. We need to start seeing gender for what it is; complicated, personal, and wonderful.

50 Things I've Wanted To Say But Never Said

We all have things we want to say but we don’t. It might be because we’re afraid to say it. It might be because there’s never been a good chance to say it. And sometimes, we just never thought to say it. So, I’m going to take this opportunity to just say 50 things I can think of that I’ve wanted to say, but haven’t said. (And it would be totally awesome is people commented some things they’ve wanted to say but haven’t said :P)

1.      “New Atheists” on the internet are honestly almost more annoying than evangelical Christians

2.      The term I would use for myself religiously is “Christian Atheist” but not in a way of “God doesn’t exist but I like things Jesus said” but more in a weird look at “God does not ontologically exist” and it’s kinda complicated and sounds pretentious but ah well

3.      Everything with Tyler Perry is awful. Especially the Madea movies. They’re racist sexist transphobic garbage

4.      Most of you that complain about feminism frequently post things that show the need for feminism in the first place

5.      dean john boggs, former dean of Michigan Lutheran Seminary, if you somehow manage to read this, I want you to know that I intentionally didn’t capitalize your name because you are without a doubt one of the worst people it has ever been my misfortune to know, and you caused horrible pain and damage at MLS

6.      Suicide is NOT a choice

7.      Soldiers are not worthy of respect simply by virtue of being a soldier. If they’re an asshole, giving them a gun and telling them it’s ok to kill middle easterners doesn’t make them not an asshole

8.      Also let me be clear that I do NOT blame soldiers themselves for our shitty unjustified wars, it is the politicians fault for using the poor of this country as pawns to kill the poor of those countries.

9.      That being said, if you are a soldier that enjoyed killing people in the middle east, you are a horrible human being

10.  Chris Kyle was a horrible human being

11.  Cops are not all bad people, but cops are all tools in the political game of the rich enforcing a corrupt system.

12.  Cops are not there to protect us, they are there to enforce laws, and often times those laws do the opposite or only protect the rich and powerful.

13.  Conservative Christianity is an inherently harmful system and holding those beliefs automatically places you in a role in perpetuating something that is actively harming and killing people, especially LGBTQ+ people. Whether or not you are a good person individually, the system itself is bad.

14.  Using “it’s my personal belief” is not an excuse and does not make something suddenly ok. I don’t care that it’s a personal belief, it’s still harmful and I actively hope that conservative Christianity ceases to exist

15.  Don’t worry, I also hope conservative Islam, Hinduism, and all other religions with conservative versions similarly should all cease to exist entirely

16.  All clothes and names should be considered gender neutral. A guy can be named Sarah and wear a dress.

17.  If you believe men are supposed to be the leaders in the family, you’re not following “traditional values”, you’re just a misogynist

18.  If you believe women should not be pastors/priests you are a misogynist

19.  Really, if you believe there is anything that men can be that women shouldn’t be, you’re a misogynist

20.  I’m totally ok with more than 2 people dating at once. If you want to have a 5 way poly relationship, go for it.

21.  I don’t care if you’re against abortion, if you’re for the death penalty or against food stamps/government aid, YOU ARE NOT PRO LIFE

22.  Spanking is bad parenting. Period. We have tons of scientific evidence to support it. It’s bad. Stop.

23.  “Male” and “Female” are not the only genders and we need to stop pretending that they are

24.  Drugs need to be decriminalized and we should treat addicts as patients, not criminals

25.  If you are not actively speaking out against discrimination, you are implicitly aiding in it. In other words, yes, if you are not with us, you ARE necessarily against us

26.  In all reality, teens and young adults are better than the older generations, get over it

27.  Technology is not destroying humanity. Get over your fetishization of “the good old days”

28.  Saying that poor people or mentally ill or disabled people should not be allowed to reproduce is literally eugenics (Which is literally Hitler)

29.  If you complain more about people abusing food stamps than by the fact that even with food stamps we have people that can’t afford to feed their family, you’re a bad person

30.  If you complain about “Why isn’t there white pride?” You’re either historically ignorant, or racist

31.  If you complain about “Why isn’t there straight pride?” You ARE ignorant, and probably a homophobe

32.  I don’t care that “phobe” means fear and you’re “not afraid of gay people.” Words change, it’s culturally come to mean someone that disapproves of homosexuality. So get over it… homophobe

33.  I would almost prefer a Republican over a Libertarian, cause at least Republicans worship God rather than the “free market”

34.  We are not a free country.

35.  Troops do not fight for our freedom, they fight for global corporate and political interests to serve the rich (And it’s not their fault, it’s the fault of the rich)

36.  Churches should never EVER have an American flag in them

37.  The pledge of allegiance should not be said at school… or sporting events… or ever.

38.  The flag is not a symbol of freedom, it is a freedom of state oppression, discrimination, and remorselessly killing members of Muslim countries

39.  I would happily burn an American flag

40.  I don’t “hate America” or “Americans.” I hate oppressive states. So calm down

41.  I fully support the Baltimore rioters and other people rioting over social injustice

42.  If you’re more concerned about broken windows and people stealing things to live than by police killing black people, you’re a bad person

43.  “Sticks and stones” is a BS lie, and words are infinitely more painful

44.  If your solution to bullying is telling kids to toughen up, you are one of the shittiest kinds of people that exists

45.  If you think the Israelites literally committing genocide in the Old Testament was ok because “God told them to” you’re a bad person

46.  If you think people are poor cause they’re “lazy” you’re ignorant AND a bad person

47.  If you support “American Family Association” or “Family Research Council” or other similar “pro-family” organizations, you’re not pro-family, you’re just pro-discrimination           

48.  Voter ID laws are discriminatory dog whistle politics meant to keep poor people and especially black people from voting. They’re bad, mmkay

49.  Don’t misunderstand what I said earlier, I don’t think certain things are bad cause they disagree with me, I think they’re bad cause they actively contribute to discrimination.

50.  I love my family to death, they will always be my family, I will always love them and be kind to them and want to see them… but for the past two years, I have hated the beliefs of everyone in my family, and I actively hope for they leave Conservative Christianity (NOT Leave Christianity, just conservative Christianity. I want all of you to leave WELS and the Baptist church and such. As in, I actively hope for it to happen.)

-end rant-