Get E-mails when I post something new!

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Sometimes I Don't Trust ANY Cis People

I can guarantee if i said "Sometimes I'm legitimately unsure of if I can true any cis people (people that aren't trans)" someone in my friends list would say "BUT WE'RE NOT ALL BAD" or something along those lines. This post is to explain to you why, in fact, it can be difficult to trust ANY cis people at all.

Cis people are the ones killing us and otherwise discriminating against us.
We have a 41% rate of suicide, and 1 in 12 of us will be murdered (1 in 8 if you are a trans woman of color.) 75% of us are homeless. We face overwhelming discrimination. And no, these aren't monsters living in the dark parts of our closet. They live in houses with families in perfectly well lit areas everywhere around. They're in our families, and sometimes in our friends. When the statistics are that against us, forgive us for being a little scared sometimes. Oh, and since I know someone is going to say it...

Even our friends will say "not all cis people" before they say that the statistics are fucked up.
Be honest, when you read that first one, what was your first thought? Was it "those are fucked up statistics" or was it "But it's not all cis people doing it!"? Because I'm going to tell you something if you were in the second camp. NO SHIT SHERLOCK, NO ONE SAID THAT! Did I say "All cis people are killing trans people?" No? Then shut the fuck up. Because guess what? When we get murdered, it's by cis people. When we get fired, it's by cis bosses. When we get yelled at, it's by cis people. Now you might say "Well it's transphobes that are the problem." Yes, you're correct, and cis people are being the transphobes! Is it all cis people? Of course not, and I didn't say that, and no one thinks that. But it's still cis people that are doing it, just like it was Germans invading Poland. No one thinks every single German got up to go invade, but it was still the Germans. So shut up, because instead of being more concerned about the poor reputation of cis people, be concerned about OUR FUCKING LIVES!

Even doing basic tasks are terrifying (Even in supportive environments)
I have never run into people being assholes to me at work because I'm trans. I can use the women's bathroom and the women's locker room. All the coworkers I talk to regularly fully support me. Guess what? I still get an adrenaline rush just going to the bathroom to pee. I'm still terrified half the time. And I know I'm unlikely to run into any problems. But when your whole life is conditioned a certain way, you don't get rid of the feelings easily. And if you think it's bad I'm scared when I pee at work, just imagine what happens when I'm in a public place where I don't know anyone! And if I friend goes with me I'm less scared, sure, but I'm still super scared. I'm still afraid of getting weird looks while picking up women's clothes! Everything is so scary! And it doesn't help that...

Even our friends mess up (In the worst ways)
Supportive friends, I love you dearly, and I love having your support... but I can guarantee you that you've fucked up before... probably multiple times. Here are just a few examples. The first time I went out in a skirt in public, my friend Zak made a comment about me "being a dude in a skirt." At the time I laughed despite how much the comment really hurt, cause I didn't want to seem stuck up to my friends. Zak is one of my most supportive friends. Zak if you read this, ya fucked up, but that doesn't mean you're an asshole, and you're still an awesome friend.
But the point I'm making is that even the most supportive people can say stupid things. You are probably saying "Well yeah, but I wouldn't say anything that bad!" The thing is, it's not about severity. It's that comments can hurt, even if they seem light. And that can make you reluctant to trust people and make you withdraw a bit. Here are just a few common phrases I hear that can honestly suck to hear (even ones that people think are supportive!)
"I could never do that [transition]" Thanks for pointing out that you don't like the idea of being like me...
"If you really want to be seen as a woman you should..." Why can't you just see me as a woman? Right now, as I am, why do I need conditions for you to see me as myself?
"You look good as [birth gender]" Oh, great, so I look good being miserable with myself, thanks.
"Wow, you pass so well I can't even tell!" Tell what? That I still have a dick?
"You look just like a woman like that!" I AM a woman, every way I look is like a woman. Basically when you say this you're saying "You look LIKE a woman, but you're still a man, sorry."
"You look so good for being trans!" What does that even mean? That trans people are normally ugly? That being trans is bad? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

Our cis friends don't (And necessarily can't) understand
The biggest thing I'm going to say to my cis friends is... you don't understand. And you never will. You can never relate. And that's not a bad thing. But it's just not possible. Unless you're trans, you don't know what it's like to be trans. Youre discomfort with how fat you are is not the same. You're being masculine but being a girl is not the same. You cannot understand. And the best thing you can do as an ally instead of trying to make up a way you can relate is to just admit you can't.

Cis people expect us to explain EVERYTHING to them
Don't get me wrong, I love educating people on trans topics! I love teaching people and helping people understand. But also understand... you can research yourselves! Trans people don't need to tell you everything! When you dont do any research on your own, I'm always at a loss as to where to start. I don't know what you do or don't know. And sometimes what you don't know can make talking or interacting very difficult. Do some research on your own! It's not our jobs to explain every damn thing to you!

Lastly, because at the end of the day, we can barely trust ourselves.
One time my boyfriend actually had to hide the knives in our apartment so I wouldn't hurt myself. I forget things a lot. Some days I can't be trusted to do anything cause I'm too depressed to get out of bed. When we have all of the above stuff going on and we can't even deal with ourselves, forgive us for sometimes being hesitant to trust any of you.

No comments:

Post a Comment