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Monday, May 25, 2015

A Message To Former Friends

            This is a different and very personal blog post. This is simply me venting some frustrations. In all reality, if you’re reading this, you’re probably not one of the people I’m thinking of when writing this. I will not mention any names, because that’s not how I am. However, to anyone reading this, if anything in this post is about you, trust me, you’ll know.

“I don’t support what you’re doing, but I’ll always be your friend.”
            Ya know, if you remember, you were the first person I told the first time I made out with a guy. I had so much inner conflict I wasn’t sure what to do with myself so I had to text someone. You would think me coming out wouldn’t have been much of a shock given I told you about that. But then again, that was a good 6 or 7 years before I came out to you.
            At first I was pretty surprised when I told you. You asked questions, did your best to be understanding and see things from my perspective. You even listened to all my talking about the scientific perspective. I thought that just maybe I would have support from a 9 year long friend. And then one day you wanted to talk.
            I was used to going on walks with friends to talk. It was nice really, it got me outside and was a nice chance to connect with friends. But then you told me you couldn’t support it. I was hurt of course, but you reassured me that wasn’t goodbye and that we’d still remain friends.
            I really wish you would’ve thought before you spoke. If you’re going to tell me we can still be friends, at least make an effort to still be friends. When I noticed you had deleted me, I realized it was just lip service to make me feel better. If I had to hazard a guess, you never truly had any intention to stay friends. You just wanted to look good and couldn’t say it to my face. Next time you tell someone you can stay their friend even if you disagree, at least make sure you can actually do that.

At least you accept that part of me (But why are you still bitter?)
            You’re an interesting case. You didn’t say anything negative or even a “disagree” sort of thing when you found out I was transitioning. I was impressed with that at least. I imagine my last time messaging you will be my last attempt. I tried to mend bridges far too many times. I hate losing people.
            You wouldn’t be the first ex I still talk to as a friend. In fact, there’s a couple of them. It’s not impossible. I know our break up was pretty bitter, but that was 6 or 7 years ago. I made my mistakes, and I know I made things hard for you. I’ll accept that, I was far from perfect and I messed up a lot. And I even made my apologies.
            But the last time I messaged you you still hold the grudge. I’m impressed you’ve held it for so long. You accept who I am, but you can’t accept that the past is the past? I wanted to be friends again, I really did. That’s why I tried, what, 4 times over the past 6 years to reconnect? But every time you can’t get past your bitterness. And that makes me feel bad. It was the most explosive break up I ever had. But I can’t be the only one that tries to pick up the pieces. I hope you find peace and happiness. And I hope you can let go of that bitterness like I have. And I’m still open to talking if you ever want to try to reconnect beyond a “hi how are you?”

You need to learn to listen (And accept you might not understand)
            It was very mixed when I came out to you. On one hand, you said the whole thing of always loving me and being my friend and you also said the whole you’ll never support it. And I gotta hand it to you, at least unlike the first person you didn’t delete me when I came out.
            But you really really reallllllly need to learn to listen. For one, you kept saying stuff about homosexuality, which this isn’t, and any time I tried to explain that or any sort of scientific point, you totally pushed it aside saying you already knew your position. And that is one of the most obnoxious things anyone can do. At least person one had the gall to admit to not knowing everything and listening and trying to understand. But no, you couldn’t even afford me the chance to at least explain anything.
            Now I know, you still hold your conservative feelings, and we both were in WELS schools for almost the same length of time. So that should at least say something when I’m saying “Hey, there’s something you don’t understand.” I don’t know if listening would actually change anything or change your mind. But when you refuse to listen to, you’re saying that I wasn’t a good enough friend to listen to in the first place.

I don’t like using the word hate… but I just plain hate you
            Congrats, you’re the only person on this list that I deleted myself! But I want to say anyway that you are absolutely one of the worst people I’ve dealt with. I didn’t mind talking to you at first, and we were even friends. But then I saw what you were like. I deleted you even before I came out. You know why? Because I was sick and tired of your ass-backwards racist islamophobic misleading neo-confederate BS posts. If you manage to someday have kids, I fear for what will happen if one of them is LGBT.

You need to learn empathy, badly
            You’re a curious case on this list because you have actually always been fully supportive of me transitioning. But you just don’t show the objective caring. Sure, I could rant about stupid arguments to you, but it was the one quote that got me. I need people to speak out about the murders and such of trans people. And you said “I don’t need to drop my problems to cater to yours.”
            At first that may seem sensible. But look at what you’re saying. You’re telling me because you’re not the one being killed, it’s not worth you talking about. You apparently don’t consider my fearing for my life enough of a priority to consider it a problem worth talking about. I’m sorry that asking you to care about my fear for my life and my huge chance of being murdered is asking you too much to “cater to me.” But if you’re going to be someone’s friend, don’t tell them their life or fear for their life is “not your problem.” Cause I dunno about you, but I absolutely consider the literal lives of all of my friends to be “my problem.” And I’ll do anything I can to help.

A lot of people say “We can still be friends, even if we disagree.” So far, that just doesn’t seem true.

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